This is a little chi who-a who-a
Last week, as I so tediously mowed the lawn, my mind began to wander. Oh, don't worry, I didn't accidently run someone over.
At first, I was really pissed off, and angry that my parents made me do it, but then I began to enjoy running over dandilions in little fits of anger. All the while looking out for tiny toads (as there are two ponds on either side of our house, and our yard is most commonly used as a pathway between the two). My thoughts wandered while my body performed almost-mechanical movements (VROOOOOM *pulls back lawn mower* VROOOOOOM *runs over dog shit* VROOOOOOOOOM *pulls back lawn mower*) I started thinking of a story my mother told me:
My mother's close friend owned 2 teacup chihuahua's. One of these chi who-a who-a's, like most others of the same breed, had problems. The finiky little thing refused to go for a walk on a leash, but would walk along side the owner. The other one (somewhat surprisingly) would walk on a leash. One day, while going the same 2 mile round-a-bout route they always go for a walk, a bigger and more useful dog scared the stupid leashless thing and it ran away. Scared shitless, it was missing for hours, as the owner and some nice civilians took time to look for it in the wooded/suburban area. After awhile, everyone gave up, and the remaining chi who-a who-a and the owner trudged back to their house, doubtlessly worrying over the fate of the other one.
Upon reaching the house, they found the leashless (and also collarless) chi who-a who-a cowering and shivering on the front porch.
Somehow, this little pathetic creature had found it's 2 mile way home. This is absolutely astounding, since their brains are half the size of a walnut. Possibly the repetitive walks along the same route had engraved itself in it's tiny little brain, forcing it out of habit (not out of actual intelligence) to be able to direct itself home.
Let's face it: Chihuahua's are hazards to society, and it's probably the most dangerous pet to own. a) because it is so small you would have to be super careful not to squish or step on it and b) if it's route home is not engraved into it's brain, they could become a tiring task for some poor mechanic to scrape fur off the bottom of a car.
While mowing the lawn, there are a couple of things to check:
- dog poop
- dog toys etc.
- pieces of trees (wood)
- watch out for lawn chairs
- animals are out of the way
Since I was checking things off my list, and thinking of my mothers story, I came up to the conclusion that it would suck if you were mowing the lawn, and didn't notice a little teacup chihuahua in the way.... And so, begin's a little story I wrote while mowing the lawn.
The Lawn Mower Killer
Kevin was a young boy, age 13 last year of elementry school. He was medium height for his age, scrawny, and covered in freckles. He was, undoubtably a geek in personality, and not that great to look at from the other kids eyes, but his mother and father loved him non the less.
He had a very dismal outlook on the possibilities of new friends in high school and the new freedom he would gain. Like all geeky kids his age, he really enjoyed World of Warcraft, Starcraft, Halo, and other videogames. His newest craze was xbox 360, and he sought after it with much whining and pleading with his parents. They said no. He already had xbox, and it was "good enough for him" in his parents eyes. The only way to get it, was to earn it himself. Near his grade 8 graduation, he began mowing his parents lawn for $10 a week. This was not enough, since he planned on spending his summer playing video games, plus buying many games along with it. He started going door-to-door asking his neighbors if he could mow their lawn for money. This proved the most successful, and he had a few people who would phone him up a few times a month and he would mow their lawn, sometimes they would be generous and pay him $25-30, as $20 was his minimum fee. He worked for a fat old woman, a chinese couple, and his elementry school bully's family.
As he mowed the lawn, and slowly developed a farmers tan, he would often mow over dandilions in anger at his predicament. It was already July, and only half way there.
Sometimes he would forget and run over small piles of dog shit, and small bugs such as butterflies, or moths. Eventually working his way up to small creatures such as frogs and toads, and the unfortunate baby squirrel. He had a knack for directing and moving the lawn mower at a fast speed towards unsuspecting creatures, ignoring their frantic efforts to get away. As it happened one day, he was mowing the fat old woman's lawn, he noticed both of her dogs- a doberman and a chihuahua- were out in the yard. She lad left them outside by accident when she went out. The boy noticed how the doberman was always being scolded for trying to attack the chihuahua, and he remembered how annoying that woman was, sitting outside with her t.v. on and eating some sort of fattening food. He didn't understand how she could possibly hear the t.v. with him mowing the lawn, or why she would always leave the dogs outside for him to politely ask her to put them inside, as they were a hazard.
Not only did he have to watch out for the lawn mowers cord, but now watch out for a furry thing getting in his way. It annoyed him. So on this day, so on this particular day, a day in which that beast of a woman was out, with the little chihuahua dog running infront of his lawn mower-VROOOOOOOOOOOM- He never liked that dog anyway.
The remains were dragged away and put in some over grown bushes, and washed down with the garden hose. He figured the woman has never stepped past her lawn chair to walk in the back yard in the past 5 years.
He continued on with his lawn mowing business. He read in newspapers that a doberman attacks and killed a chihuahua, and was seen eating the remains. It would not be put down, but sentenced to wear a mouth-cage at all times outside of the house. This was fine with the boy, since now the woman would yell at her remaining dog, instead of him.
It was now august, business was slow, he still did not have his xbox 360, but was very close-he only needed $40 more, and his parents could not afford to give him any money. His family was moving in a few weeks.
He got a call. It was the bully's family, asking for him to mow their lawn, before their family went on vacation for the rest of the summer. The boy said sure, he needed the money. When he got there, there stood the mother and father just about to drive off, on their 15th aniversary-which they would be going on alone. The boy was handed $20, and left standing alone in the driveway watching their car drive away. He got to work. Wearing gloves to protect him from blistering hands, he found their lawn mower and was on his way. He found himself in a calming rhythm minding his own business, when alone came his torment of 3 years. Jaimy, the bully came strolling in the yard, with bags of booze and alcohol bottles. Being a single child, and without the guidence of older siblings, the bully had obviously wasted his food money for the week on alcohol for a party. A party the boy knew, everyone from his school was going to. Everyone except him. He then began to taunt the boy, starting out with "Who's playing WOW today?-OH RIGHT! No one will be, except YOU and other geeks!" then moved on with the object on the boys mind "Hey guess what fugly loser? IM having a party tonight- and Suzy will be there. Remember Suzy? She's really hot. I saw you looking at her all this year. Guess what? She's mine. Everyone's going tonight-everyone except you! HA HA HA."
This agrevated the boy, causing him to push the lawn mower very hard. He looked at the bully with bloodlust out the corner of his eyes. He was waiting for the right opportunity. It had arrived. The bully, just recently 14 and unaccostomed to how awkward it is to hold several bottles (of various shapes and kinds of booze) at one time is, dropped a few. These landed safely in the newely cut grass. With a few curse words, he bent down to pick them up, mistakingly facing the other way. The boy quickly made his way over to the bully.
VROOOOOOOOOOOOM. VROOM. VROO-O-O-O-OOOOOM. VROOM.
In 20 minutes it was done. The remains hidden in the bushes, along with the lawnmower, and the bottles of alcohol. The boy managed to salvage $50 from the bully's mutilated corpse. He must have gotten money from his parents to spend on food while they were away, and spent most of it on illegals. The boy positioned the lawnmower over the shards and bits of body, and quickly left the scene.
In newspapers a month later, it was started that a young boy, age 14 was found a month later after a freak lawnmowing accident. He reportedly was under the influence (something unknown to the boy at the time) and had attempted to mow the lawn himself, ending up tangled and killing himself. No prints were found on the lawn mower except for the deceased, who had cut the lawn in the past. No evidence was found to claim anyone else guilty. The boy, Kevin, was never suspected, because he and his family moved away that very day, due to "good luck" where they were able to move into their new house earlier than previously thought. They moved hundreds of miles away to northern Idaho, leaving their suburban town in South Carolina for good. After his adventures in the lawn mowing business, Kevin ended up getting his xbox 360. Eventually, he ended up going to university, and meeting a girl named Suzy, who coincidently went to an elementry school in South Carolina too.
p.s. No Animals Were Harmed, in the true story and fiction story. And as for chihuahua's, even though they are dangers to society, they are unbelievable adorable! ^_^
