Negative Nancy

Yesterday, I went to the book club at the library. It's great. On my way home, I promised myself I would never ride the bus home alone, and I would either carry a cellphone or a can of mace. Good call. I think I made that decision because being a girl by herself on a sketchy street corner waiting 15 minutes for a bus at night is not a wise choice to make. Maybe I wouldn't have been so concerned if a random man didn't stand awkwardly beside me. The whole time I was freaking out in my mind about the random man, I didn't hear what he said to me, which turns out he was asking me if I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I do, and then he blessed me and continued chewing tobacco and spitting awkwardly a couple meters away.
Once again, I will not ride the night bus alone again.

As I got off my bus I checked behind me to make sure I was not followed (always a fear of mine). Also a fear of mine, in the dark. I have very blurry vision, and in the dark everything just morphs into one big blur. Because of this I am always extremely and over-actively cautious about going outside at night. I looked out for skunks and raccoons . I also decided if a skunk ever sprayed me, I'd kick it.

Moors, strumpets and whores, oh my!

This past year in English class we are reading great Shak-es Spear literature, Othello. This is the tragic story of a black man marrying a white woman, and being manipulated by a mentally unstable evil man.
Sad sad.

IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOK, DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING!
SPOILER!

Anyways, for my class we were asked to write a creative assignment about it.
Here is mine:

Othello Creative Assignment
By Laura Stephenson

Location: #123 Police Station Venice
Case: General Othello murder catastrophe
Purpose: Suspect Iago is thought to be mentally unstable

Detective Bruce:(turns on recorder) check one-two, check. Hello Iago, my name is Detective Bruce, and I’m just going to ask you some questions concerning the events of the past couple of days.

Iago: …

Detective Bruce: What was your relationship with General Othello?

Iago: Twas nothing but his loyal servant.

Detective Bruce: I’m sure you were….What was your occupation in the army?

Iago: Only a mere soldier who held Othello in the highest regard

Detective Bruce: Four people died, and you are held responsible for it.

Iago: Nay sir, only but one.

Detective Bruce: What do you mean, “only but one”?

Iago: Only Emilia’s death was my responsibility.

Detective Bruce: WHAT? You convinced Othello to kill Desdemona, and Roderigo to
kill Cassio too! That is four!

Iago: They did not have to listen to my honest opinion. I only told them my beliefs. It is their fault if they chose to follow out actions.

Detective Bruce: You should be grateful to be a married man! If only I were so lucky…
From witnesses Gratiano and Lodovico, their accounts of the disaster put you at blame. They saw you murder Emilia. Why would you kill your wife?

Iago: If I did not, my good name would be eaten away with maggots. She hateth me for no reason atall. Woman like her, spreading foul lies to other untrustworthy woman, eventually reaching thy good husbands ears. My reputation would be over from her lies. She had to die.

(Woman secretary bring in coffee, smiles at Detective Bruce then leaves)

Detective Bruce: (distant) It appears that Iago has moved farther away from me and is now talking quietly to himself…I will hold the mic closer to him…

Iago: ….hehehe the plot hath thickened, brewing a thick broth! I shall talk to this official, and leadeth him down a dark path! Hehehe….

Detective Bruce: It appears he has stopped talking to himself –Iago? I still have to ask you a couple of questions.

Detective Bruce: (sips coffee) Ahhh! Don’t you love how nice people are sometimes? Anyways, what was your motive in the destruction of these people’s lives?

Iago: I did nothing wrong, merely observe others as I did express my concern with those who I thought should know. Much like observing that woman serve coffee to other office men, when it is not her job? Methinks tis not. One would jump to conclusions.

Detective Bruce: How dare you jump to conclusions about Cindy! - I mean Secretary Cindy! Enough! What was Roderigo’s role in this incident?

Iago: Cruel Roderigo! Always seeking out new strumpets! Twas jealousy of Cassio’s favorite strumpet that made him attack. I told him twas not a good idea, but alas, he thought I twas not sincere. I only meant to prevent conflict. Liar liar! Some cannot be trusted. Although good detective, it is not my right to say this, but methinks I did observe earlier woman Cindy talk to ye, then wander over to the man with the crooked smile on his face and laugh about you.

Detective Bruce: No! That cannot be true! Don’t change the subject! So you looked out for Cassio’s well being, and Roderigo did not listen. You seem honest. Honest Iago. What did you have against Desdemona and Othello’s love?

Iago: I had only the best intentions, only to warn the General about his wife when I saw her talk to Cassio. He is a ladies man. Some woman can be misleading.

Detective Bruce: Some woman are misleading? …Cindy would never flirt with other men, when she likes me…. would she?

Secretary enters room

Secretary: Hello Detective. Would you like some doughnuts? Detective Pete said the doughnuts were delicious!

Detective Bruce: What!? You served Detective Pete doughnuts? STRUMPET!! (attacks her)

screams heard in background, recorder still left on

Iago: ….you are all my chess pieces, and I am the chess master! Hehehe…




Pretty brilliant, if I do say so myself!
p.s. At the fish store, there is a black fish with bulging eyeballs called a "Black Moor"
lulz all the way.
p.p.s
Such badass fish btw.